Pinocchio How Your Nose Grows!

Here it is. The first REAL bit of scandal since Johnathan Roos with Manuelgate. What follows will soon so be known as Showergate. As you well know when you sign up to these reality shows you sign away all your privicy rights. Afterall their are cameras inside ALL the rooms in the House including the bathroom. Now most of the contestants up until now have not covered up of shyed away whilst in the bathroom, possinly because they di'n tread their contract throughly enough and don't know the cameras are there. Still one housemate, Boo Boo had insisted on bathing in the swimming costume up until now. The swimming costume in concern happened to have been thrown out by Ella a week ago after saying "it does nothing for you darling, completely beastly". boo Boo has since then forfeitted her shower everyday for the past week. Since she is starting to make a damn awful smell that even the cat is adverse to, she has been forced to shower in the nude. Now fraud is a crime under the Fraud act 2006. Fraud by flase representation is S2 of said act. Now we're not being picky, but it clearly states on Boo Boos registration form that she is female. Starting to get the picture? If not then just look above as Boo Boo let's her ummm....bearhood hang out for all to see.Well the hidden cameras that is. Not wonder she ummmm he keeps flashing those tits of hers umm I mean his I think he had everone fooled, even his um her ex husband Coco, which just throws open a whole heap of other questions! Due to this we have reluctantly had to withdraw Boo oo from the House. There are still 3 Housemates left and the blog competition comes to a close today! Awwww I hear you7 cry. Well I will carry on so long so do not fear! However, with another eviction this week the two remaining houselates will battle it out to be crowned the winner of Bear Brother 2009 on friday. Be sure not to miss the last leg of the series, after which Bear4 will be having a short break before a new show starts( Hint it gives out blow up 'Busters' on each show)

The Ugly Duckling Becomes A Swan

Ok so not exactly. Yes her clothes are still dreaful and her hair a complete disaster, but good ol' Betty can finally take to the stage after been eclipsed ( and possibly more) by the evil Ella. So what has Betty got to offer the Bear brother house I hear you all cry, shes done nothing up until now, so how do we know if we like the cut of her jib? Well as mentioned previously Betty is a wiz in writing magazine articles. So here it is. Ever wondered why betty's clothes don't match? Ever wondered why her hair is so damn messy? BB thought we would share one of Betty's articles with you all enjoy;

The Morning routine by Betty Bear

The alarm clock sounds. It's time to get up. But what happens next is both natue's gift and it's curse. Having hit the snooze button and promising yourrself you will get up in a minute you roll over to find it has been 20. Now I don't kinow about you, but getting up grdually is usially better than all of a sudden. The covers are thrown back in a frantic rush, the cold air nipping at your recently toasty body. AHHHH you burst out of your room and quickly by pass the queue for the bathroom and lock yourself inside. You quickly turn on and jump into the shower. damn that is cold, qucik turn on the hot ah better no no hot hot hot hot cold cold cold cold, sod it quick the shampoo., dammit I have dropped it, ah now theres some in my eyes. you blindly reach up and grab what you think is the shampoo and empty half the bttle on yor head and rub it in. Frick thats the bubble bath, ah no time wash it off, bubbles everywhere. You jump out and and dry your self quickly, but you have forgotttten to bring in the day's clothes with you. Danmit you get dressed in your PJ's again and harried rush and grab whatever is closest in the wardrobe. You fling on whatever it is, be it your old bike pants or that sweater your Aunt knitted you that one Christmas. Quick hairdryer. No time for gentle dryer push it on full and hold it close to your face. Ah the wild look, not really what you were hoping for. Oh well, downstairs eat your breakfast. Urgh the milk was off. nermind move back to the bathroom the clean your teeth. You press the tube too hard and toothpaste squirts everywhere, you try to lick it off but it just keeps coming back.. Never mind grab your bag and out the door with 3 minutes before the bus gets here. Planty of time. wait. Why is everyone looking so fuzzy? frick. Yourush back and get your glasses just in time to see the bus wiz past you yet again. I say wiz more like rumble. Damn. wait theres hope it had broken down again so you run to catch it up. Phew. Made it again. Just.

Fast Forward Time

I am sure a good deal of you look forward to the weekend. I, for one sure do and sure do not like having one whole hour taken out of it. Why could this magic hour not be taken out of the Friday afternoon, when everyone wants it to be one hour faster, one hour closer to the weekend. Why that can't happen No, they would rather take it out in the middle of the night so everyone wakes up wondering what the hell has happened and why they feel so tired. So what do the Housemates think of this mass theft? Well, seeing as they hibernate for most of the winter it is very confusing for them to wake up and suddenly have lost an hour. Environmental people think it is the weather that is to blame for the animales odd behaviour. They are wrong. It is the time change. And then their is the tiresome task of changing all the alarm clocks, watches, timers, etc in the house to say the right time. Well, for the first couple of days I am usually stubborn in thinkiong they DO say the right time and everyone els is a fool to think otherwise. This kind of backfires when it comes to showing up for lessons on time or chatching the college bus home.
Although is it a blessing in discuise? Afterall come the winter we will gain this extra magic hour back and have the perfect excuse to stay in bed for one hour longer, with no feelings of guilt whatsoever. Still no gain without pain, and this I feel really needs one massive neurophen.

We Got The Ella That Did It

Yesterday we could most definitely sympathise with poor ol' Seymour. We didn't see it coming. Well niether did he. After trawling through hours of servailence footage, no one could find Seymour leaving any of the Bear Brother House exits. So we have come to the conclusion. He did not leave at all. Yes we were all stumped until Seymour's dog, Samual, spent the entire day sat outside of Ella's wordrobe. How odd. Ella has taken Samual under her wing as I said yesterday, but clearly the dog would not have taken to her so soon and quickly forget his master? Of course not. He was in fact sitting beside his master who was later found in several shoe boxes ( who would have thought Ella the fashion Queen would have hidden the body in there?!). The apparent cause of death was death by strangulation. The murder weapon? A Gucci thong ( Do Gucci make thongs? If not then Ella must have a one off as a special gift for being the Queen of fashion ;) ) Police, however are still very baffled as to Ella's motive for committing TV's first murder broadcast live. Apparently no one notice because they were too bust writing a letter of complaint to BB as moments before a drunken Co Co siad Boo Boo's name a little too quickly and actually said 'Boob' instead. We have yet to have any complaints regaurding Ella's actions in the bedroom. Ella has now been evicted from the Bear brother House and sent to it's sister show; The Bid Doll House, where she will be for the next 15 years at least. BB suspects Ella's motive was to have Seymour's dog samual and later turn him into a pair of slippers.
And she would have gotten away with it to, if it wasn't for those pesky kids and that dog! Wait I mean Pesky Dog!
Well that was the last of a week of evictions tomorrow will resume House antics. Now where are those Scoo.... I mean Booby snacks....

Now You Seymour....Now You Don't

On this. the forth night of evicitions, Bear Brother sees it's most blogged about Housemate; Seynmour leave the Bear Brother House. Ok so I exaaggerate. Seymour is in fact the least blogged about Housemate, having done little, if anything intersting whilst in the House. Well done to the producers for selecting such an intersting buch of bearss to go into the house. Pfft. The fact is nobody really knows where, or even when Seymour left the house. One moment he was there the next he had simply vanished, leaving only his dog; samual, his dark glasses and his walking stick. Had he suddenly and mysterilly been cured of blindnesss or perhaps he was never blind in the first place, after all he did 'accidently' walk into the girl's changing room several times, but wheres the harm in letting in the blind fellow, he's not going to see anything right? Now that just leaves the question of his best friend and companion, Samual. Having already fouled the kitty tray and the living room floor, Samual seems to be attracting quite a lot of attention, not all of it good if you get what I mean. Ella seems to be sniffing around him qite a lot, and now completely out of character, has taken him under her wing...errrr....paws. Perhaps Seymour's disapperence is not qquite as mysterious as we first thought....
Tomorrows blog will reaveal ALL....

Spice Up Your Life!

On the third of five evictions this week, seees the wanna be Delia, Bernard, leaving the Bear brother House. Having somehow managed to not poison anyone during his time in the House, it was irionic that the only person to fall foul of Bernard's culninary distaters, was Bernard himself. After a visit from House a couple of days ago, Bernard has been using an infamatory; Itch 'O' Gone to clear up certain problems in thw downstairs area. Where could he do this without the embarrassment of having the other Housemates see? Well the kitchen was the logical answer as that is where he spends most of his time ( No obviously false stories about why he was in the bathroom too long) and besides all the Housemates were avoiding the kitchen out of fear Bernard migght ask them to have a taste, or even worse, sample his food. So what could pssibly go wrong? well whilst taking a break from preparing that night's meal, a curry, Bernard took time out to apply his medication. However, as he was starting to put on thhe Itch 'O' Gone the oven destracted him as the timeer went off. he put dwn his powder and turned off the alarm. Without looking he picked it up again and applied a generous amount. SAt first his meat was tender, than it went quite raw. As Bernard wailed in agony he looke at his hand to find he was in fact, holding the Chille Powder. Ouch. He won't be stuffing roat dinners for quite a mile yet.
Only 8 Housemates remain and with two still to be evicted this week who will survie? Plus will Seymour or Betty ever do anything worth blogging about? all that and more tomorrow!

Sneeze Outta Here!

Well here it is. On the second night of eviction week, someone is leaving the BB house....in a body bag. Yes yet again one of our house mate's is for the chop. Poor old Chief has bitten the dust, which means Hank is out too seen as they entered as a pair and only counted as one contestant. So here's the scoop. Do you remember a couple of weeks ago when dear Monty 'left' the BB house? Good. Then you will also remember that BB kindly replaced the well loved snake with a wee little kitty. Well seems that it's followed in the same tracks as Monty's snake and bumped off a housemate. Hank, having stayed up far too late in the pornography room fell asleep surrounded by copies of 'BTB Club' featuring Vixen. In wonders the sweet little Kitty looking for a nice pace to curl up. This just happened to be Hank's head. Well Hank failed to mention on his application form that he is allergic to pussies. No not that you dirty minded person. He is allergic to cats. This obviously sent Hank into severe sneezing fit, with the poor cat clinging on for dear life on top of Hank's head. Somehow, using what could only be described as a psychic twin connection, Chief rushed in aid of his brother, unaware of just how baddly Hanks needed to sneeze. As the cat was being wrenched from his head, Hank let out a massive Sneeze, covering Cheif, head to foot in mucas. Cheif also failed to mention he was severely allergic to mucas and the germs soon eneterd his body and killed him within seconds. Hank has been taken to hospital where he is expeected to make a full recovery, once the plastic sergeon has found and reattached his nose.
Who will go tomorrow? What farfetched death plot will there be next?! Find out tomorrow!

Harry's Wood Gets Chopped Down

We promised it and here it is. The first of the week long evictions sees Harry FINALLY get his just desserts. BB has finally done what should have been done 7 books, I mean several episodes ago. Harry is no more, no more painful stories, no more dreadful movies, and most importantly no more mindless destruction of the rain forest and it's inhabitants to broadcast his rediculous stories that he comes up with when he has sniffed to many prick sticks. Yes the tropical frogs and colourful parrots can finally sleep easy, with the knowledge that enough is enough. Ironically it was a trip to the BB garden that finally ended it for Harry. Perhaps the tropical bird's British cousins decided to get their own back. They are believed to have hired a beaaver to commit the fateful act that saw a large Oak crush Harry andsplat him like a bug. Ironically having been know for his wood (see earlier BB episodes), Harry was ultimately beaten by a beaver with a large log. Not that Harry would have noticed the beaver, having spent most of his time in his dormitory with his best friend Dom.
Another one will bite the dust tomorrow but who will it be?!

Computer Says No....

Some of the beadyed viewers will havenoticed a small error that has occured. Now, I don't like to play the blame game, maybe I am partly to blame, but the computer seems to have mind of it's own. Now yes The Mother's day blog was published on Saturday, I admit to udloading the wrong picture and the wrong text. However this human error occured on Saterday morning aroung 7 AM, Not Friday as stated on the blog. How is this possible, who knows? Maybe the little sprites that live in the computer didn't change their calendar, the point is how do these erros occur? Why is it that computers suddenly and randomly decide not to work? Surely this unavoidable behaviour, is just as unpredictable as the weather. For instance we think we have these things under control, we have IT experts and the MET office for the wether. The MET office is located in exeter, Devon., where I happen to go to college everyday. They say it will be sunny I wear a t shirt and shorts, it is ACTUALLY very cold with a bitter wid. They say it will rain havyilly I take an unbrellla and my raan coat, it is glorious sunshine and I look a right knob. How hard can it be? All they need to do to get the weather right for exeter is look out of their window. That is all. I live 40 miles away it is not like I can just pop home and change. computers are much the same. yes these ICT people tell you have have clicked this or formatted that. the truth is the computer does what it wants when it wants. What a rant, I appologise, this is Bear Brother not the One show. Still it messed with my bears. No one messes with my bears and gets away with it.
Tomorrow the eviction week begins! 5 bears for the chop. Who will join Keifer, Monty and Bouncer in the grat Bear Brother House in the sky? Find out tomorrow!

Jade Goody

As my blog is ment to be a spoof og a certain reality show, I would be doing an unjustice if I did not dedicate this lastest blog to it's most famous start, Jade Goody. As many of you probally know Jade tragically lost her battle with cancer in the early hours of this morning. As a volunteer for Cancer UK, I can only express my thanks to Jade for promoting awareness of this dreadful disease.It is undeniable the effect she has had, and also as a Law student, it is so encouraging to see thee House of Commons wanting to lwering the age in England at which young girls can get tested for cirvical Cancer. Our thoughts go out to her friends and family at this time. I would also like to take this chance to dedicate this to Wendy Richard, one of my favourite actresses, who also tragically lost her batttle to cancer a few weeks ago. May they both Rest in peace.


Tomorrow will resume nromal BB house stories. However having promised to evicted one housemate from Monday to friday next week, this will now by Tuesday to Saturday, as what was to be todays blog will now be published tomorrow.

See you all then folks.

Happy Mother's Day!

It's Mother's day in the Bear Brother House. One of the Housemates had a surprise guests. Yes thats right Ella's little boy was in the House. Jermery, who is one year old came into the house armed with an extra special present for his Mummy. Having not been changed since the nanny quite after realising Ella wasn't coming out of the House anytime soon, jermery had no choice but to join his dear ol'Mum in the House. He has already made quite and impression on the other housemates. An impression that onlt a crate full of Fabreeze could cure. Still Ella dosen't want to get her perfectly manicured hands dirty, and so has ropped in the help of Bernard. No wonder the dinner in there takes like sh*t. After dinner the housemates all had time to relax on the new small bean bags that appared in the living room. Nice and squidgy. baby Jermery must have been playing in here because it smells awful. As they settled down into their new 'beanbags' Bernard finishes the washing up and collapses on one of them, causing the insides to spirt out. Yes you guessed it, They were nappies. And just as we had painted over the Bouncer stains.....

Fun and Games

Today Boo Boo and Clark were in the games room. They deccided to test their intellectual abilty by playing the most intellectual board games outside of Are you smarter ten year old....Scrabble. Scrabble, the most sexual game in the World. Yes, they are meere mortals and fell into the trap all Scrabble players fall into. The subconscious desires can only maange to find the brain power to place the tiles, spelling out sexual words or phrases. Although whaat could be more of a turn on than Scrabble?! It was too much for the pair who quickly moved onto the pool table. Where they ummmm potted the eight. It now needs resurfacing.Still lucky for them they still have plently more letters left in the bag. Now if only they could find a position for the z....

The Doctor's in the....HOUSE?!

We said we would take action. So we did. Who sold off our valuable ( and probally, no wait definately illegal ) phtos to the press? Theres only one way to find out....Fiiiiiii - no I'm kidding. Although serious not funny. Anyway, BB needed help and with Piorot out of town there was only one bear for the job. Thats right. He can solve naything in 40 minutes ( 60 if you include the ads) Yes House was in the er....House. Although he is continuing his investigations, what he doesn't know is that we don't care anymore. You heard. House is as 'disabled' as you might think, not only is he claiming flase benefits, he is also hiding a large secret. A very large secret. Why do you think he has that limp? He has something mighty heavy strapped to that leg of his, and I'm not talking bandages here. Might aswell rename his show. Jake. (Think Rolf Harris, I know it's painful, but for the sake of a gag please?) One thing is for sure BB's money worries are now over. House did take the time to check everyone out, and having all entered with aclean bill of health BB wasn't expecting to find that all the Housemates had mysterilly caught Thrush. The progonsis docotor? Continue course until the end. Do not take orally.

BB Takes A Leak

We have been breached. Breached on the most serious kind of level. Code Red. To your battle stations. As we speak BB's army of legal lawyers are hungeryly chopping through statues and legislation, ransacking old case law to find to way to get justice for what can only be described as the worse day in BB history. Yes. It has been leaked. Quite how we are not sure. Cuts will have to be made. A lot of our funding came from those pictures. Now they are public. Where will we get our money from?! But don't worry just yet. Only the phtos from the first three series of Bear Brother are public. We still have exclusivity on Series four. Oh yes. A lot of former contestants will pay big for keeping theses hush. And a lot of certain magazines will also pay just as much to have the printing rights. And then there is the 'private stash'. What? What do you think they do for all that time in the diary room? Do they not realise that that eye is a camera....;)

Bernard('s) Cocks'up

Well what an interesting day it has been. I don't mean to harp on, but I think the Housemates are now over the psychological trauma of having Bouncer's ball splattered everywhere. Most had been off of their food for the past couple of days, but Bernard decided to step up to the mark and russel up at feast. Quite literally he did. However this is Bear brother and things do not happen without a slight glitch. You see Bernard has an addiction. An addiction to cock...rels, actually any sort of processed poultry. Who knows how many dishes he has 'seasoned well' before serving them up in his restuarnt, how many carveries have his personal 'herb'. Well this has lead to abnormalities. Severe medical abnomalities, that have confounded doctors. His meat and two veg are all, how to put it....head? A rare condition, of which there only appearss to be a single case ever recorded. Bernard. Yes his unnatural contact his pultry over the years have turned his cock into a knob. No wait. His knob into a cock. And with the housemates all hungry, and not a scrap of food in the house, Bernard has no choice but to lay his chickenhood on the line. Soup anyone?

Has Anyone Seen The Soap?

After last night's unfortunatee....mess, the Housematess were all ready to have a good ol' scrub down. Having managed to suceed in putting something on everyone's face, be it not the smile Bouncer had intended, the Housemates were ordered by the Health and Safety (Don't ya just love em) to strip down and into the tub. Some took this to mean right then right now and piled into the bath. Those weaiting outside were entertained by Monty's replacement: the cat, who

decided that he would prefer to like off the splatted balls off the hOusemates faces, rather than his usual 20 mins in the kitty tray in the corner by himself. BB then noticed that two of the housemates were missing. Well one presumably was in the bath, hence thee long queues outside, but that only accounted for Hank....where the devil was cheif? After their 'encounter' with Boo Boo the two had been on mutal terms....perhaps they were kissing andd making up somehwhere....

Pop! Goes The Weasel!

What a mess. What a damn awful mess. Yes tonight is eviction night, somebody's for the chop, somebody got the chop, in fact somebody went pop! Yes as you might have guessed from the visual aid, Poor old Bouncer is no9w bouncing around the big bear park in the sky. Well actually hes not his in the hospital, waiting for a plastic sergeon, which will do him no good seeing as half of his bearhood is still splattered on the ceiling in the Games room. His Bouncing days are well and truely over. I mean, WELL over. He might as well go the whole hog and have it all off now. Quite how we are going to get those stains off the ceiling, I don't know, as as for the smell....
Yes it was sabatage as one of the Housemates deliberately pricked his ummmm wait let me get this right. Pricked, the prick, with a prick....Mumbles.....stabbed his gooles with a sharp instrument. There. Now theres no confusion. Would it help if I drew you a picture? Well tuff cos you've got one anyway, you know how this goes now. Ahem anyway poor old Bouncer will not be returning to the House. Is anyone safe in there? Whos is that gloved hand? Will we ever get to see Seymour?! Come back for more big brother!

VOTE!

Just a quick reminder to you all out there that we need your votes!The Housemates have been begging for your votes as there will be a eviction tomorrow! Yes thats right tthe Housematess are looking all pityful, and woulod give an arm or a leg ( in Ella's case someoneele's arm or leg) in order to stay in the Bear Brother House! Many of the other Housemates have also decided to "show their appreciation2 to their voters, and even making wild, and I'm taking wild promises! Co - incidently Boo Boo is receiving....the largest....number of votes! Is it her natural charm? Who do you wanna see stay in the House or who do you wanna see out?!

10 will become 9 in tomorrow's Live Bear Brother!

Do Something Funny

As today is Friady the 13th, Bear Brother joined the rest of the nation in nthis year's comic relief - do something funny for money. The housemates were assigned a task to raise money for charity, yes they were aloowed out of the House for today only! Sent of into the street many of the Housemates decided to dress for the occassion....ok maybe not but made good use of their Red Nose at least....
On a more factual note if you wish to donate to comic relief visit the BBC website, where a donation of just £5 will buy a mosquito net and save a child's life from Malaria.Alternatively you can call 03457910910 to place your donation.
As well as this you can also take up BTB on their very generous offer and buy a C.E set, where as well as having a HUGE discount, 50% of the profits are going to Comic Relief! What are you waiting for?!

He's behind you!

Ok. Another crisis in the Bear brother House. Boy when things go wrong. After the laundry incident Bear Brother was pludged into yet another crisis. A power cut. No it's not beacsuse we haven't payed the bills beacuse the meter man collected his brib just last week. apparently this was internal. Which means the Hpousemates were in total darkness for nigh on two hours while Bear Brother sent out electricians to try to fix the problem. Which reminds me, your voting alls are now £5 per minute. The cause was soon found to be a pencil shoved into one of the sockets. this wasn't the only abnormality. Boo Boo reported strnage sounds, not unlike heavy breathing coming from inside her room....Of course all the doors are gaurded with electronic devices to stop unwanted people going inside them. Oh.....security!

Paps Caught On Film

Good evening. Firstly Bear Brother justs wants to say that it is meant as a light entertainment programme showing the everyday happening of everyday bears. However bear brother has a legal duty to protect these bears whilst in our care, that includes their privacy (except by us, where they have unknowingly signed away their life right to us Mwahahahaha) Because of this Bear Brother will NOT tollerate any intrusions from the outside world in the Bear Brother House. this includes any paps, journalists and pervs that try to climb the outside Bear brother wall to make a gain* for themselves or another. If you want naked pictues and or videos you will have to buy them from the Bear brother store, NOT try to make your own!!!!
BB hopes it does not have to wanr you all again....


Gain includes financial for onesself or another or indeed for ones own pleasure....

Is That Your....Broomstick?!

Having watched last night's fravolitites, it's little wonder that Harry, boy wizard, started to mimic Clark's 'cor ava' look' approuch to the House. Having been relatively mumdane up until now, boring the House ridgid with 7, yes 7 novels about himself, and even worse the 8 films of said books. Having comontosed most Housemates and quite frankly the world with his "adventures", Harry decided to liven things up with a practical demontrastion. Less endowed veiwers may want to look aaway. Yes, he wwhippedd out his 'broomstick', cited it would send ANY of the housemates to the moon in seconds, although apprently the flight could last up to 30 minutes! It even has a name 'The Bum Buster 3000' which Harry has had tattoowed several times across....it. Apparently it was VERy hard for Harry, when he was enetered in the Biwizard torniment, as the rules stated he had to leave his broomstick back in the dormintry, much to his friends, Rom's, delight.....

Is it a bird, is it a plane? No it's......cover your eyes children!

Ok.Ok. What can we say? Bear Brother is only human. Human in the bear sense. And we, make mistakes. Granted BB is responsible for making sure the Bear Brother House is clean andd tidy, food is provided, the toilets work etc Well we cocked up. Now cocks are up. In the sense that Electra, the House's washerlady quit on the spot afetr BB gave her her finial warning about getting too much pleasure from her job. So all the House mates' clothes are still dirty, and currently stinking up the joint. Quite frankly some of the stains are unwashable anyway. The Housemates have had no choice but to strut around in the au natural. of course Clak had to take this tto the extreme, having a newfound likeness for the breeze, whilst still having the familiar flapping sound, without a cape in sight.....

3 In The Bed and The Little One Said...EEEEP

Well having established last night that Hank and Cheif are allergic to the House's new pussy cat, BB can reveal, that may not acually be the case. The twins, who do EVERYTHING together, were both assumed to be allergic, after one of them ( Which one is unclear) made a damn awful mess in the diary room. Taking pity on them, Boo Boo offered a "Cure" for the allergy and it seems to have worked a treat...on Hank.Whether it's because Cheif has been a bit too 'close' to his brother over the years or because of the noise of the cameras zooming in, BB could just not tell. Perhaps the two are not as 'identical' as first thought....

New Pussy

After last nights eviction the BB house was left sadden by the departure, not only of Monty, but of his beloved snake; Buster trouserzip. So feeling in a generrous mood Bear Brother decided to lighten the mood in the house by sending in a new new pet for the housemates to enjoy. Thia is fuffles, the new Bear brother cat. Having got big shoes to fill....or not, fluffles has become an instant favourite with Bouncer, who just loves stroking Pussy. *rolls eyes* However one housemate, or should that be two housemates, apprear not to have taken to the pussy as well as the others; Hank and Cheif, who appear to have had some sort of severe reaction to it. Well at least we hope thats snot....

Double One

Eviction Time! Yes it's that sad time when one of our beloved housemates departs from the Bear Brother House - or from this World....

Yes sadly, one housemate did have an unexpected 'incident' which lead to them being taken off the bear Brother housemate list. And also coincidently to the morgue. WHO?! I hear you scream! Well after BB announced to the housemates that an eviction was imminant, there was much speculation as to who it would be. The general opinion was Bernard, seen as he hasn't been up to much laately....except locking himself in the kitchen for long periods of time claiming to be ' Preparing a meal' yet all that he seem to have prepared is some sort of cream....anyway after the housemates were asleepa suspicious figure in black boots crept up on the evicted housemate and smothered them in mouse meat ( part of some evil plot, not some kinky foreplay) Monty's snake seemed to have gotten loose ansd well you can guess the rest. Afterwards the snake had to be removed, a few hours later a parcel arrived for Ella. It was a new handbag.
So who is it?! I hear you cry aagain throwing your beverage down at discust. The poor evicted housemate is in fact....Monty himself.

2 Down 10 to go. They seem to be dropping like flys.Is there zome evil doing behind all of this? Come back tomorrow for more breaking BB news!

Monty's Flying Circus

Today BB presents Monty and his massive....snake.Monty has been impressing the women ( and quite possibly some of the men too) in the Bear Brother House. Ella, in particular had been eyeing up Monty's beastly snake with a certain lust in her features. She has been following Monty around the BB House , taking every available opportunity ( and there were many!) to get her hands on and stroke Monty's big long specimen. After showing everyone, including Ella his snakes favourite tricks all Ella could muster was " Does it come in other colours?" CoCo particularly has taking a shine to the beast feeding it mice and whispering as he nods in the direction of Bouncer. Whats a foot here? or should that be what's (not got) afoot here?

Tune in tomorrow for Friday nights eviction!

Who will go?
Who will be saved?

Who will end up the same way as poor old Keifer?!
Come back tomorrow to ind out more!

Peek a boo!

As with the nature of such shows, Bear Brother has cameras fitted everywhere in the house. By everywhere we mean EVERYWHERE. Thats all well and good if you are sat at home watching (or in the editiing suit) but what about those poor old contestants? Locked up for weeks on end with no contact from the outside world. Or any contact for that matter. So what do these poor old contestants do for thrills? Wellwonder no longer as Bear Brother can exclusively reveal what really happens to the poor kinky sex starved bears of the bear brother House. Most resort of bringing in magazines featuring the likes of Vixen and Scarlett, some use other......methods.However a few cheeky chappies decide to play the old 'surprise' trick. The surprise being the heavy panting and 2 minute russling coming from underneath the bed or in the closet....

Shes a Deville Woman!

Ella deville ella deville, if she doesn'r scare you no evil thing will....
Tonight we get the low down on BB's own queen of fashion; Ella Deville.A self made millionaire, Ella was born in the slum favellas of Bear Brazil. Ella quickly learned that she had an eye for fashion, and made her first collection out of old fabrics she could find lying around. However soon her pashion for fashion became an obession and soon Ella was after fur skins. Ella's first fur skin coat appeared around the time of her husband's disappearance, although his whereabouts still remain a mystery,Ella admits she could always feel his presence nearby....

Over the last couple of days ella has been unusually quiet. Perhaps she has had an idea for her new Spring collection....

She got the idea afetr watching a classic Walt Disney film : Brother Bear.
How will her destardly plans unfold? bWhere has Keifer's corpse gone and why is there a funny smell from inside Ella's closet?
Come back tomorrow for more gossip on the House mates!

Keifer's 24 Hours are up!

Yes that time has come. It's time to shake things up with an eviction!
Sunday 1st March, 23:57PM: Keifer is in the countdown room. The star of the hit show 24 hours 7, was taking time to listen to the often familiar sounds of a clock counting down. What he didn't know was that, this time it's him for the chop. Having spent the afternoon jumping from explosions and scowling, BB called Keifer to the countdown room for an important message on Anti Terrorism. Rule One: Never trust anybody....

1 Down 11 to go. make sure your favourite isn't the next one to go. Tune in tomorrow for more BB action!!!!

BB Lays Down the Rules

After last night's BB premiere the housemates were given time to settle in a set of rules. Some took to the rules quickly, such as Betty, who was first in line for rules number three. However not all the housemates abided by the rules. Bouncer took rules number 2 literally and used up 4 tubes of squirty cream to paint a face on his erm.....well you know. he then spent the remainder of the evening beconing Boo Boo to come and lick it off. This has created great tension between him and Coco....he is one peed off clown.

More House stories tomorrow!

Live image from the Bear Brother House!

Live from the Bear Brother House!

It's that time. I know.It's immense. Yes Bear Brother has now officially begun! With out further ado I give you the contestants:
Boo Boo - having seen Boo Boo's audition tape, veiwers already know that Boo Boo won over the Judges' hearts and minds ( Just where these are kept, I would not like to say!) with her amazing 'charm'

CoCo - Boo Boo's estranged husband, a former child's entertainer famous for his balloon 'animals' and party tricks, who went off the rails after Boo Boo left their marrital home in exchange for the wild life. Bitter and twisted since her departure, Coco has made front page news after he flipped when one of the children questioned the likeness of his balloon eels. Now out of work and banned from ever entertaining children again, Coco ha found work as a hired goon for The Joker and has been a thorn in Batbear's side for years. He has taken time out from being The Jojer;s 2nd in command to try, one last time to win back his first and only love, Boo Boo.

Bouncer - An energetic office manager from Bolton, this hard Northern bear spends his days hiring and firing as is reknown for his 'unusual' work ethics and hours. His company, which manufacture contraceptives, have finally 'head' hunted Bouncer from his previous company, a toys designer. Obsessed with the 80's and the music of Abba, Bouncer haas has a restaining order taken out against him, banning him from being 50 metres from any thetre showing either the stage musical or the movie.

Harry - An orphan bear with an odd phallic shaped scar on his forehead. Harry often gets his kicks from telling girls he has 'magical powers', although there has yet to be any scientific proof of this, and the court has ruled that the only power he has is the power to waste police time.

Monty - a post office worker fromn Chiswick, that has a fetish for long, hard beats with lots of tounge. He has many tattoos of sankes, of which is whole body appears to be covered in. Having brought his pet snake, he has been told to keep in out of harms way. although he has promised to keep it in his trousers....

Clark - A former member of the dadbears for Justice, Clark was walking home one night after a protest, when a metior came down and struck him on the had. Thinking nothing of it and keeping a small piece of metior in his pocket for good luck, Calrk carried on homeward. The next day Clark awoke to find he know had amazing superpowers including super strength, flight and....whats that in his pocket....
Seymore - A former olimpic swimmer, Seymore was forced into an early retirement after he was blinded. According to the court report Seymore was taking a leak in a public conveinence when he heard a man beconning in the next cubicle. wary of the situation Seymore decided to look through a hole in the cubical wall, when suddenly something shot through and hit him in the eye. He tryed lokking with the other eye, but again something shot through and hit him in the eye. he never saw it coming....
Ella - Born with a silver spoon in her mouth, Ella was forced to have surgery, which lead to her becoming obsessed woth the way she looks. A keen fashion enthuiast, Ella has over 120 fur coats, including the one which sparked much controvasty....a bear skin coat.
Hank and Cheif - Twins, who auditioned together, and claim to do EVERYTHING with each other. Having appeared previous on the Jemery Bear show, where DNA results showed,n fact, the two had different biological fathers. however, the apir remain adimant that the results had not changed their relationship.

Keifer - Star of hot US Tv show 24-7, Keifer never sleeps, never eats, never even pees, until the job at hand is done and the world once more is safe. Coinsidently, Keifer has only work 7 days in his entire life.
Bernard - A heaf cheif who runs a Bistro in warwick, known for his unique dishes. Bernard is a hands on kind of aa guy and insisits that all dishes have his own personal touch to them. His scecret ingredient is a closely kept gaurded secret, which he may or may not let slip.
Betty - A wanna be journalist who seeks to have her work internationally recogised, but loaths fashion and anything assossiated with it. Hoping to find fame for her work Betty has got one last chance in the Bear brother House.

There you have it this yeaar's contestants! Get voting for your favourite as none are save from eviction, and can go at any time....
See you all tomorrow!

Lock,Loaded and Ready for Action

Good Morning. Oh what a bright, crisp morning. Perfect for Bear Brother to have the Bear brother House Spring Cleaned before the arrival of the contestants tomorrow. Bear Brother prides itself in having one of the cleanest houses around, although filled with dirty little critters. Bear brothers’ elite team of Super cleaners have been hard at work throughout the night and this morning, despite the absence of team leader, Joy, who is bowl surfing,after a heavy night on the lash. If your listening Joy, remember that Bear Brother will need that vacuum cleaner, returned and clean by tomorrow at the latest. But, don’t fret help is at hand as Bear Brother’s own Henry has offered to lend a helping hand.....not quite what we had in mind, although he did say he always likes to share his work his brother....Surprising how well they have done seeing as one of the Hoovers was on the brink last week....Too much suction....kept getting our rugs suck in there....

Be sure to tune in tomorrow for the start of this year’s Bear brother House!

Contestant Wows Judges

Hi all, Davina again, and after yesrdays desasterous audition today we bring you one of the sucess stories. Meet Boo Boo, 23 from Oxfordshire. A former Uni student, Boo Boo or Boos to her friends, was thrown out of the University after and allegded scandal involving a webcam. 2 years into her astrology degree, and 9,000 in debt Boo Boo is looking for a piece of fame to pay off her debts and for a nice place in Ibiza. Having registered for last years' Bear brother, but losing out in Boot Camp (Yeah Ok it works differently here in bear Counrty!) Boo Boo thought she had better up the anti to garantee a place in this years Bear Brother House. 'How do you boys like Melon?' she cheekilly asks, and with no fruit in sight, it was 3 yeses from our panel of judges, having scored highly in the 'Exceptional tallent' catagory Boo Boo is straight into this years Bear Brother House.

A Fishy Tail

Hi All, Davina here with day two of Bear Brother auditions.

To kick start the day the first auditionees were a right pair of old seahags. One was a large framed girl, if I had to describe the heaviest part of her it would probally be her scales....
Hello sayed Bear Brother, where did you two meet? Online...the mermaid replies.
Don't be silly she snaps tell them the whole story. The diver bear replies I was in the navy and my ship was sunk by a torpedo. I was the only survivor and I managed to make it to a deserted island a few miles away. I had been there alone for several months and was sitting on the beach one day waiting for a bird or fish to come by so I would have something to eat, looking up I saw a beautiful mermaid sunning on a nearby rock. She swam over to me and informed me that she was a magical mermaid and could grant me three wishes. 'Great,' I said. 'I’d like to be rescued.She slapped the water with her tail and a ship appeared, sailing straight for my island. Next I asked for a body like Brad Pitt. Another slap of the tail and here it is. Then, noticing how beautiful she was and all my other wishes fulfilled I asked if I could make love to her. She said no that it just wouldn't work her being half fish and all. So I said, 'Well, how about a little head then?
Bear Brother showed them to the door, we could tell she had been swimming near too many ship bottoms....
Thats all for now, more Bear Brother auditions tomorrow....

Bear Brother Contestants

On the Count down to Saturday's live Premiere of BearBrother, Bear Brother host, Davina Mcbear takes you through the auditions and selection process for this years' Bear Brother House. Over 14,000 Bears applied, however only 12 will be selected as contestant to enter the Bear Brother house this Saturday.

January 2009

Bear Brother takes to the road!

the first contestant that auditioned, professed to being a Magician. Do us a trick Bear Brother asked.OK he says, you understand I am a Magician, not a wizard. Because if you are asking me to help you with problem I can't because thats a wizards job. You see I just had this toad asking me to help because he has a yellow penis. And I told him what I told you. I can't help. So wheres your grey beard bear brother asked. NO sasys Magicia, that is what Wizards wear! Well wher can we find a wizard? Magicia turns around and walks off shouting - just follow the yellow dick toad!

Later, Bear Brother auditioned another bear, or should we say bears. Hello and what is your name? Dorthery she replies, and your friends are? Well I will show you she replies.Lets just hope Auntie Em and Uncle Henrey aren't watching back in Kansas....

Finally the last contestant was a liitle bear in a Princess outfit. As pritty as a peach, which was the colour of her dress. Howver Bear Brother did notice an odd rash around her mouth. Had an allergic reaction, Bear Brother asked her. No, she says, it's just that I found this toad outside........

Bear Brother will return with more failed contestants tomorrow....